Troll Fan Fic: Ratchet and Clank: A Crank in Fk in Your Bootie
by AlternateUniverseExplorer
Summary: Hello everyone! And happy new year. I am back with the sequel to my purposely bad fan fic. It's supposed to be stupider...and it;s going to feature some of my very good YouTube/Skype buddies. It will also feature Barney the Purple Dinosaur and the TV show that makes Conker's Bad Fur Day look like Peppa Pig, Mr. Pickles. Enjoy. :3


Jokes aside, folks. Welcome to Part 2…or Part Two…sort of. No one gives a damn. On the day after the day Ratchet lost his V-card, out of character and out of bolts with no regrets, he and his perverted walking toaster with the Iron Giant's head lover prepared for the forbidden sequel…and just walked home. Their spaceship was stolen by the hentai girls, Rosalina and Palutena. Sneaky sexy betches. Thank god Ratchet was covering his junk, but with Elvis Presley's iconic leather trousers. Clank wore a pretty little dress and a Lady Gaga wig to keep their relationship in check. The writer did not give a rat's ass…nor a Batman's ass about the logic since she had to work so hard on her college stuff and paint her nails.

"Lombax booty…" Clank said, his new catchphrase going slightly stale. The two enjoyed playing Playboy Color games and pole dancing in front of the hentai Princess Peach and the Toad corpses last night. They said hi to Shadsilvson11 and then left him to watch his old commentary videos. "Lombax booty…" Clank said again. "Lombax booty. Sexy lombax booty…"

"Okay darling. Can you please say something else already?" Ratchet asked like a sweet little angel, showing beautiful green puppy eyes like in some cutesy anime and crap. The sight of those eyes hearted Clank's heart…if robots actually have organs that is, but it made a Yoshi throw up.

"Okay then, my beautiful sexy yellow Ratchey." Klank obeyed. "Space-cat arsenal." The alternate name for his new fetish made his kitty-cat secks slave facepalm. Little did the heroes' no that there was a stalker on the loose. Too bad no one gave a crap…yet.

Meanwhile, poor Sky Firetrucking Pooper was still looking for the overrated blue hedgehog. He crashed his stolen car into a rock and stumbled out like a drunk firetrucking doofus. The sight of his grey cane made another Yoshi throw up. Sly's life was now Grand Theft Sly Raccoon: Steal-A-Crap-Load-Of-Cars. The writer suddenly could not use actual profanity because of the freakin' FCC. He gasped. He once again felt the feeling bad feeling. But this time…the feeling bad feeling was embarrassment. He forgot his firetrucking clothes. So he took some out of the car's boot and wore them. The raccoon looked dead firetrucking sexy in black shorts and a white tank top. Bring on the fangasms! A lot of firetrucking fangasms! But then…the washed-up and no longer naked master thief bumped into a dog, whose TV show made Conker's Bad Fur Day look like the firetrucking Teletubbies.

"Awwww, what a cute pooch!" he squeaked, completely unaware of all of the firetrucking blood and gore around the dog. He then asked, "Can you please help me find my blue lover, Sonic the Hedgehog?"

But then for a ridickulously ridickulous as ridickulous crap short amount of time, the firetrucking dog fell in love with him. It must be the stolen clothes that Sly Blooper was wearing. The dog's scary as hell face showed up and scared the firetrucking romantic bullcrap out of him by screaming in a demonic voice,

"YOUR BEAUTY IS F**KING AMAZING AS F**K! I MUST HAVE F**KING YOU SOMETIME!" This sexy and stupid sequel could now feature swearing coming out of nowhere. Take that, FCC. And take that to you too, PEGI and any other rating system in the world!

"WTF was that?" Sly exclaimed, shaking terribly, as scared as sh*t. He could not understand a single word since the dog's speech was backwards and sped up. "Can you say that again please?"

"I SAID THAT YOUR BEAUTY IS F**KING AMAZING AS F**K! I MUST HAVE F**KING YOU SOMETIME! YOU MAY BE THE WRITER'S WAIFU, BUT THE BETCH CAN'T HAVE YOU!"

"Ummmm…" Still out of character, Sly was still as scared as sh*t. "…the bits I understood was that I am the writer's waifu. And she can't have me. And she's apparently a betch." Sly then frowned. "She is so NOT a betch! Please stop freaking me out." The dog lashed out at him with a Tex-Avery-pull-something-out-of-nowhere axe, but luckily Sly did a cliché, but bloody epic matrix reference that fanboys would get nosebleeds over and fled to continue his search for his lovely Sawneck. And also…another Yoshi threw up. The writer did not want Sly to die since he is indeed her waifu bae. She also did not the dog is make love to her waifu bae. She also loves her waifu bae. The dog ran after him while stereotypical metal music played in the background, barking and making creepie eyes. Little did he no that he ran past a Pikachu and a Jigglypuff making sweet sweet love. The PikachuXJiggypuff shippers cheered them on like a bunch of perverts. But hey, that's what nearly all shippers do…kind of. The writer then apologised for any signs of unfair generalising.

Later, when the sun went off to take a massive sh*t and the moon came to sh*t it's moonlight on this side of the world, Jak and Daxter showed up at the dog's crime scene after praying to Hatsune Miku, eating green Angry Birds Pig bacon and playing hopscotch at Disneyland.

"What the hell was that Adult Swim dog doing, besides killing random crooks this morning?" Daxter said, disgusted by his crime screen from the day Ratchet lost his V-card. The worst part of the dog's killing spree was that he also killed all the characters from the Five Nights at Freddy's series, which p**sed off a lot of people on the internet. "Why is he featured?! He's not even a video game character! And where's our movie and app?!"

Jak, the Naruto and Link lovechild who had now dyed his hair horribly green replied, "Those does not matter now. BTW, the dog's name is Mr. Pickles. How do I know his name? No one freakin' cares. I'm tired of this s**tty sequel of a fan fiction with so many pointless cameos, including us. Let's just take some pics and report this to the police. Because we are sexy heroes…and we have other crap to do, like pray that we will get our movie." Daxter then LOL'd when some random pigeon took a crap on Jak's new hairstyle, which made another Yoshi throw up…then they proceeded to take pictures of the bodies of the humans and Freddy's crew.

Back to Ratchet and Clank. On with their love life. Their names are in the title after all. They were finally home. Clank was now the same height as Ratchet for some reason. He carried Ratchet and gently placed him on their new king sized bed that they ordered from Amazon in the most sexually sexual way possible.

"It is you're beauty and your booty and the way that you are a cutie that stirs the rhythm of my soul." Klank crooned lovinglee on top of the tiger-lion-cat thing. They kissed…and kissed…and almost p**sed themselves from loving each other so much. They had a bathroom break and then got back to making out – Edward and Bella style. A Yoshi that watched them through a window had no choice but to throw up.

"I feel the feeling good feelings again, my sexy Clanky! Uuugh, my aching wrench…" The lovebirds were now wearing Juliet Starling's bikinis to become even more aroused and turned on. The robutt wore her seashell bikini and the lombacks wore her multi border bikini. But just as they were about to do it again…somewon smashed the damn door open, causing the sexy heroes to scream.

"Oh my god! Who are the hell are you?!" Ratchet yelled Clankly.

"Oh my god…" Clank added Ratchetly. The one who interrupted their next Fifty Shades of Grey and Yellow moment was no other then…

"I love you. You love me. We're a happy family…"

The cheerful…yet slightly obsessive melody came from no other then Barney. Yes. That's right. Barney. The purple dinosaur. The Barney from our childhoods. One of the biggest targets for ridicule on the internet. He was wearing Juliet Starling's pink sexy rider suit. Can't this sequel get any more f**ked up? As Barney kept singing, Ratchet was creeped out. But Clank had an idea, still out of character and sexually deviant, unware that kids might be reading this fanfic…

"I think he loves us, Ratchet." The lombacks gave him a puzzled, yet slightly turned on look on his face. His cute and sexy-to-some-fangirls-face. "Let's ruin some childhoods by doing a three way. Deformed dinosaur booty…" Ratchet then became disgusted! But later he became turned on…by Clank that is. No one gives a crap about Barney anymore. The thought of a free sum with Barney also made him throw up like a Yoshi.

AND NOW FOR A CAPTIALISED MOSTLY HAPPY CONCLUSION FOR RATCHET, CLANK AND ALL OF THE POINTLESS CROSSOVER CAMEOS! NO ONE WANTS TO READ THIS S**T ANYWAY! BARNEY REFUSED CLANK'S PURPOSAL AND BURNT DOWN THE LOVERS' SPACE HOUSE, WHICH WAS ONLY HAPPY FOR THAT STUPID LITTLE RECOLOUR…AND RATCHET'S EX-BOYFRIEND KLUNK THE EVIL DOOSHBAG ROBUTT! WHAT A LOAD OF BULLSSSH! THE POLICE DIDN'T DO EYELESS JACK AND LAUGHING JACK S**T ABOUT MR. PICKLES' MURDERS, WHICH WAS ALSO NOT HAPPY BTW! AS FOR SLY KOOPA, HE FINALLY FINDED THE BLOODY SONIC AND F**KED HIM! THEY F**KED UNTIL SALAD DRESSING AND MELTED WHITE CHOCOLATE WAS ALL OVER THEIR BED AND SOFA! SLY WAS HAPPY TO HAVE GREY CANE IN SONIC'S BLUE ITEMBOX ONCE AGAIN! THERE! MORE AND MOAR YAOI! HAPPY NOW?! THEY ALSO WATCHED STAR WARS: RETURN OF JAR JAR BINKS BEFORE DOING IT AGAIN! SONIC WAS A BIT OF A GARY-STU (MALE MARY-SUE) IN THIS STORY, BUT NO ONE GAVE A CRAP! THEY SHOULD RLY KNOW THAT THERE IS MOAR 2 YAOI THEN SECKS! MR. PICKLES GAVE UP ON STALKING SLY AND MADE LOVE TO A VAKKUM CLEANER IN HIS SATANTIC LAYER! ANOTHER YOSHI THREW UP! HOODOHOODLUMSEVENGE DID NOT WANT TO READ ANY MORE HORRIBLE CREEPYPASTAS! SHADSILVSON11 DID NOT WANT TO DO ANY MORE COMMENTARIES! SONICRYAN9 DID NOT WANT CRASH BANDICOOT TO APPEAR IN SKYLANDERS! AND LAST BUT COULD BE AT LEAST LEAST, RAYMAN TRADED HIS OLD CANDY ENGAGMENT RING FOR A MAGIKARP, THAT BECAME A PRIEST AND MISTER PICKLES' NEW ARCH NEMESIS IN SECRET! RAYMAN AND LARA CROFT FINALLY MADE UP AND GOT MARRIED! THE FURRY BETCH CARMELITA F**KS CAUGHT THE FLOWERS AND THEN MARRIED BOTH MURRAY AND BENTLEY! HOLY…BLOODY…CRAP! SHE MARRIED TWO GUYS! WHO CARES IF THE ENDING MADE ANY REASONABLE SENSE FOR THE CHARACTERS' SH**TY PORTRAYALS OR NOT?! ALL THAT MATTERS NOW IS THAT ALL OF THE YOSHI PUKLE NEEDS TO BE CLEANED UP!

THE END! UNTIL THE WRITER NEEDS SOME CASH TO PAY HER DAD'S BILLS AND GO TO UNI!


End file.
